


it meant quite a lot to me

by fzywood



Category: Gay baby gang
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Break Up, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gay, Gay Messes, Light Angst, M/M, Oops?, accidentally falling in love, also in this swagger's name is christopher since ive seen stuff using that as his name, anyways uHH, jays friends are trying okay, no beta we die like men, omg hes the next smii7y w/ fanfics, thats it, the second part is rlly over dramatic, they really do love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-07-28 10:12:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16239521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fzywood/pseuds/fzywood
Summary: Jay had patience, especially with his friends, but soon it became too much and he wants the quiet conversations and sympathetic looks to stop. That's when he found the online site.That's when he found Cam.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> heyo i love this ship lololol, anyways this is a two parter or so :)!!! I love this ship,,, so much,,, ya feel? Anyways I have stuff planned and I know this is hella messy but I'm just stressed pls do forgive me I literally have an F in AP Gov at this time since my teacher put in a 70 point test without me taking it yet fbwkjebf thanks Jennifer love you girl :*. Anyways, please enjoy this mess <3!

Jay was fine with being 22 and not ever having a first kiss, but never having a relationship either. The brunette was truly and utterly fine with it, while his friends weren't. Mason, yelling at him that by this age and with his looks he should have "mad pussy," while Christopher encouraged him to get higher and maybe that'll help his game, and finally, Matt comforting him, saying everybody takes their time for this stuff. Jay loved his friends, he truly did, but when relationships or even just sex came up, they always went more quiet or sympathetic and completely babied him as if this was the most sensitive topic to him.   
  
He was exhausted of it.   
  
That's when he found an online service for "young adults who need fake dates" (which was oddly specific and made the brunette question how often people did need this, but after looking at his situation, he decided not to say anything). After placing in his area, he found multiple people around and on his campus, all offering to be fake dates. After looking through a couple of the profiles, some talking about how much they love sports (which Jay loved except the kind with an e in front) and how committed they were to this dumb thing, he soon found himself wondering if he should just accept being forever being single. He scrolled down, soon finding a picture of a cute blonde who's smile felt contagious.   
  
**Name: Cameron Fitzgerald** **  
** **Age: 21** **  
** **College: Thrisher** **  
** **Sexuality: Bisexual** **  
** **Interests: Video games, sports, traveling, music, and learning!** **  
** **Availability: Available**

 

Jay knew this was the best guy he would find, and he clicked on the accept button, soon finding himself at a loss for words when he realized he needed to email this dude, telling him how he's a fucking loner. He was going to have to tell this dude to be his fake boyfriend, that he had no experience in dating, that he blushed at the smallest things, everything.   
  
///   
  
_ To: Jccreamy@gmail.com _ _   
_ _ From: Cfitzgerald27@gmail.com _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Thank you for choosing me :)! I hope you won't regret your choice haha. Anyways, my rate is $60 per week (tough economy ya feel?), and if you'd like we can meet up soon to talk about how we met, get to know each other better, etc!  _ __   
  
///   
  
Jay was tapping his foot frantically as he sipped his coffee, sitting in a booth near the corner. He was meeting Cameron that day, a few days after the email, since that's when it worked for both of them, to discuss everything.    
  
They agreed on a cafe nearby (which Jay had been there too frequently since his freshman year, knowing the owner pretty well) and here the brunette was, 5 minutes early and panicking since he just needs today to go well.

 

Then the anxiety of whether he should have done this or not settled in and he found a new thing to mull over, dragging his hands down his face slowly, quietly muttering to himself. Hearing the doorbell above the door ring, Jay turned and saw the guy from the pictures, who looked much better in real life. They matched eyes and the brunette gave a small wave, quickly turning around in panic while beginning to hyperventilate since he didn't really have a choice anymore.   
  
After a few minutes, which had felt much much longer, footsteps came closer and soon the blond was actually sitting in front of him, giving him a warm smile which (metaphorically of course) melted Cam's iced coffee and Jay's worries. The blonde started to put some sugar packets in, which the brunette knew that the place already packed their coffee with sugar, so he was curious how sweet this boy liked his coffee (even close to making the pun of something about how sweet he looks and how it matches his coffee of something, though Cam may hate puns for all he knows).

 

"So, hi, I'm Cameron or Cam as you know." His voice sent a shiver down his spine, his accent apparent and Cam must've caught on (since it probably happened more often than not). "I was born in New Zealand and came over for college. I still visit during summers and breaks." He explained and the brunette nodded slowly, absorbed in his words.   
  
"I-I'm Jay, and I don't have a cool accent like you." He tried to joke, and the blonde took it well, chuckling quietly.   
  
"Not everyone can be as lucky as I can, both a blessing and a curse. Anyways, you mentioned it in your email but you need a fake partner because..." Cam trailed off and picked up his drink, swirling his coffee around with a spoon a few times before taking it out and sipping at it.    
  
"My friends won't get off my back about being single for so long." The brunette said, looking everywhere else but the blonde. "A-And I know they care! They just are really nervous to bring up the topic and when it d-does come up they always give me these looks and are a bit quieter and it's tiring, y'know?" He didn't mean to add on the last part but his mind was working too fast, but luckily Cam was nodding along, understanding every word.   
  
"I get that, now, we should probably set up the basics of our relationship, like how long we’ve been dating, where we met, why I haven’t been revealed yet to them, and more. It’d be weird to get a boyfriend out of nowhere, you know?” Cam asked nonchalantly and Jay had to remind himself, as he felt his body temperature rise, that this was the blonde’s job and that he was used to fake dating people so it’s okay for him to be embarrassed, right?

 

Then again, this was his first relationship (well, could he even consider this a relationship? It’s a fake one after all…) and even throughout the years of reading hopeless romance novels, playing dumb dating sims which tugged at his heartstrings, hopelessly flirting with people who didn’t like him at all in  _ that _ way, and more, he knew that none of it compared to real experience. Real falling in love and being loved back. Real crying over a breakup that was worth it rather than crying over being hopelessly crushing on someone. Real affection, not some BS he pulls with his best friends. 

 

“Jay?” Cam asked curiously and Jay shook his head while bowing it back and forth, feeling bad for getting distracted so easily. 

 

“Sorry, just tr-trying to uh, come up with a story for us.” Jay covered, which surprisingly the blonde seemed to believe and the brunette felt himself relax, though he felt bad for lying about it. 

 

“What do you have in mind?” Cam asked as he brought his straw to his lips and took a sip, closing his eyes in bliss and Jay felt his heart skip a beat at how innocent this man looked.

 

“Uh… I, uh.. Theater? Like, we met because you tried out and I’ve wanted to keep it a secret since we’ve been going out for not so long and we wanted to be sure?” Cam’s head nodded along to the fake story and after Jay had finished, the smile that grew on the blonde’s lips infected the brunette too.

 

“I like it, how long have we been dating for?” Cam asked as he focused solely on Jay, which caused the latter to heat up under the gaze.

 

“H-How about almost a month? Not too soon but not too long that it’s suspicious.” Jay tried to reason and Cam gave him a thumbs up.

 

“Now that we got that over, how about we spend time getting to know each other?” The blonde’s smile was more than enough to make him agree.

 

They didn’t realize that they spent hours just talking, lost in each other’s words.

 

///

 

It was Christopher, Brooke, Matt, Mason, and Jay all hanging out when the news finally came out. Brooke was leaning on Matt, talking about her weekend when she accidentally let it spill that she and her boyfriend had gone out. As soon as those words had slipped out, she shot Jay a quick sympathetic glance (which if he wasn’t so used to them, he would’ve missed it), and he felt bad at the fact that his friends couldn’t even talk about these things without having to shut up about it a millisecond later. Well, not anymore.

 

“I guess I should tell you guys,” Jay began and all of his friends gave him the same confused expressions. “I’ve been dating someone for almost a mon-” he didn’t get to finish since his friends broke into cheers, jumping onto him and wrapping their arms around him in a tight embrace he could barely breathe.

 

“JAY! YOU CUNT I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” Mason yelled as he started to ruffle Jay’s hair.

 

“Took long enough.” Christopher had muttered as he pulled himself away, not usually letting himself be shown as “soft” or anything like that.

 

“Why weren’t we told sooner though?” Matt asked curiously as he brought himself up too, leaning lightly on Chris.

 

“Just wanted to make sure we were going to work I guess, he was okay with it.” Jay muttered, his cheeks heating up at the idea of being in a  fake relationship.

 

“That’s good, so when can we meet this dude? I wanna know if this guy is good enough or not for you.” Brooke said with a sharpness to her words and Jay let out an awkward laugh, causing everyone to join in with their own. 

 

“I-I can talk to him about it today, he’s been wanting to meet you guys too.” Jay said with a shy smile and avoided his friend’s teasing smiles and instead let an image of the blonde pop in his head, like how he was in the coffee shop.

 

///

 

**Me:** So, my friends want to meet you

**Cam:** awesome!! when do you want me to meet them?

 

Jay’s heart quickened at the text, though he couldn’t pinpoint why.

 

**Me:** My friends and I are chilling Friday if you’d be down?

**Cam:** yeah i can do that ´･ᴗ･`

**Me:** Oh my god are you a fucking weeb

**Cam:** i listen to kpop ONCE-

**Me:** OH MY GOD YOURE A WEEB IM

**Me:** DONT LET MY FRIENDS KNOW THEY WILL NEVER LET YOU FUCKING BREATHE AROUND THEM

**Cam:** oh no ●﹏●

**Me:** I’m fake dating a weeb

**Me:** I knew you couldn’t be Mr. Perfect

**Cam:** mr perfect?? me?? 

**Me:** Uh yeah you literally had everything I thought was great in a person lmao

 

Jay felt his chest tighten at what he just said as he quickly realized how much he could’ve fucked up with those words.

 

**Cam:** well, thank you (^-^)ゝ

**Me:** Keep sending that shit and I’ll make you hang out with my friends alone the whole night

**Cam:** they can’t be worse than mine 

**Me:** You should introduce me one time then so I can compare 

**Cam:** lets do it, ill message them now

**Me:** Okay lol

 

Did Jay really just invite himself to meet his fake boyfriend’s friends?? Did his friends know that he did the fake dating stuff? Has Cam ever introduced a fake date before to his friends? Questions rushed through his head that he soon forgot about the conversation, phone vibrating beside him, as he fell asleep.

 

///

 

Jay and Cam were meeting up before going to Christopher and Matt’s apartment, since that’s where most of the group’s hangouts were spent. The two were going to get into the coupley act beforehand so things wouldn’t seem off tonight. 

 

Jay was waiting in their planned spot, the entrance of a park right off of campus. Matt and Chris’ apartment was a few blocks away, and the brunette usually did walk this way to get there, so it worked out. The sun was already set and the lights above were shining brightly, which Jay barely paid attention to as his friends were exploding in the group chat with anticipation of finally meeting his significant other, the one who’d, as Chris said, “take all of his innocence away” which Matt replied to, pulling his mother tone out somehow through text.

 

He was ignoring the messages though and scrolling through his social media’s, checking out updates that high school friends or even some mutuals he had on campus were posting, which consisted mainly of partying (which someone even went out to karaoke, causing Jay to make a small note that he should suggest that to his friends soon. While Jay was fairly confident in his voice, he’d kill to see his friends sing, especially if they were drunk.)

 

A hand interlocking into his brought his attention away from his phone pretty quick, and he felt a wave of relief wash over him when he saw the blonde hair on the tall man. 

 

“Sorry to scare you,” Cam was quick to apologize and Jay was quick to shake his head, becoming a flustered mess when they both started to apologize to each other about the situation.

 

Jay had almost forgotten that they were still holding hands.

 

///

 

“Th-This is Cam, everyone. Cam, that’s Chris, Mason, Brooke, and Matt.” Jay introduced as everyone crowded around the door and the blonde, charismatic as ever, almost won everyone over immediately. 

 

“Nice to meet you guys, Jay’s told me a lot about you.” The blonde said as he shook everyone’s hands, and once he finished he naturally let his hand find the brunette’s once again.

 

“I bet it was all bad things.” Christopher muttered to Mason, though it was heard by Jay and Cam which the latter laughed while the other stuck his tongue out before turning to face his boyfriend.

 

“I’m going to get a drink, want something?” Jay asked and Cam nodded, nudging the brunette to lead him to where the drinks were.

 

As the two headed to the kitchen, the brunette’s friends left and went to the living room, their conversation loud and about Jay. Cringing slightly, he turned towards the blonde who was currently looking at his phone. At that moment, seeing Cam lean against the white painted countertop, his eyes focused on his phone while he bit his lip, a big, black jacket with some fur on the hood enveloping his lanky figure, Jay felt somewhere inside him, wishing that this fake relationship wouldn’t end. He felt frozen in the spot, one hand open while the other held a water bottle for himself, and he wondered what relationships Cam had been in before and how they were. He felt his heart drop at how  _ little he knew _ about Cam. Yes, this relationship was fake, but the brunette wanted to get to know everything about the blonde. He wanted to have late night conversations about their fears and old memories, letting walls fall which they didn’t realize they had up.

 

“Jay?” Cam asked, looking at the brunette with concern now as he shook his head, apologizing quickly.

 

Jay wanted to hit himself, reprimanding himself internally for letting him think that there could be something more between them.

 

“What did you want to drink again?”

 

///

 

“Okay, so your friends are definitely insane, probably as bad as mine. Though, the Chris and Mason guys are fucking insane.” Cam joked lightly as he had his hands stuffed in his pockets.

 

The couple left not so long ago, after playing hours of board and card games, which Jay and Cam had been on a competitive streak all night, usually when one won a game, the other would win the next. Soon enough, they began playing on teams, and Cam and Jay had been separated, saying that they’d be too powerful, so Jay had been placed with Christopher, Brooke and Matt, and finally Mason and Cam (which they connected  _ immediately _ , causing a small void in Jay’s stomach.) They were now walking slowly back to the campus dorms, the two talking about how the night went and laughing at the memories.

 

“I’ve dealt with them for years now, you’ll get used to it.” As soon as the second half left his lips, he froze for a second before continuing on normal, and he prayed Cam didn’t catch his hesitation.

 

Unfortunately, he did.

 

“I’d be down for staying connected with you after this, even if your friends think we’ll have an awkward break up.” Cam said with a smile and Jay’s cheeks lightly heated up.

 

“I’ll make sure that the first few days they consolidate me with junk food and movies, I’ll split it 50/50 with you.” Jay joked, and before them stood the campus, which meant they had only a few more minutes to go.

 

“Excuse me? I’m doing the hard work here.” Cam gave Jay a light nudge which the brunette responded with a laugh, shaking his head.

 

“If anything, dating you is the hard work.” The brunette responded, not paying attention to where he was walking and he found himself tripping over a brick which was raised higher than the others.

 

He wondered what the hell had happened when after five seconds, he still didn’t feel his face colliding with the pavement. That’s when he finally recognized the arms wrapped around him.

 

“Are you okay?” Cam asked worriedly as Jay opened his eyes, and that’s when he realized that their faces were merely inches apart. 

 

His body began to heat up and though he wanted to stay in Cam’s arms, he couldn’t let himself look like a fool anymore in front of the blonde. Steadying his feet, he grabbed onto Cam’s upper arms, which even though they were covered with sleeves, he could still feel the muscle. He pulled himself up and moved away from Cam, who still looked at him worriedly.

 

He didn’t let himself stand close to Cam the rest of the walk.

 

///

 

After weeks of their fake relationship going, of Cam slowly joining his friend group and Jay doing the same for Cam’s, of lies being told to one group while the other knew the truth (yet sent him glances still that reminded him of before this whole situation started), of the two slowly getting to know the truth about each other, of that and much more, it one day had dawned on Jay why he found himself so… weird around Cam. Of course he’s had crushes, but that was when he was a teenage boy and anyone who liked video games and/or comics peaked his interest. He never ended up with any of them anyways, and whenever he looked back, he realized that was probably for the better since when he thought of his high school personality joining with someone else’s, he could only cringe at the thought. 

 

As he lay in bed, Saturday morning, his alarm clock saying in big red letters  **9:34 AM** , he woke up from a dream that included Cam and some other things which he’d bring to his grave. For days now, Cam had been in his dreams, ranging from just being a bystander to the main focus, and obviously that night the blonde was the only thing he had focused on in the dream. When letting himself remember it all again, the brunette brought his knees to his chest and hid his head in them, his body heating up as slight panic took over him.

 

He wasn’t supposed to be thinking of these things, this was supposed to be temporary, a fake relationship. For fucks sake, Jay was literally paying Cam for everything he was doing, so obviously Cam didn’t reciprocate anything. Of course he wouldn’t feel anything back, he’s had multiple fake relationships and real ones, so Jay was definitely not anything new or interesting or compelling or fascinating or capt-

 

Jay shook his head, trying to rush the thoughts out of his head before they took over again. He was okay, he was fine, he was just falling for the guy he’s temporarily dating. He didn’t know when his brain and heart finally connected on the same wavelength, but he’d let the shock of the realization of this infatuation settle in later. 

 

At least he thought so, but within minutes he found himself passed out again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow! this is continued finally! and its the last part!

He still was fake dating Cam, even if it did hurt his heart every second they were together. Jay was of course happy, after all he was fake dating the guy he liked, so they still got to act couple-y without the complete couple-y part.

 

Then  _ it _ happened.

 

Well, a series of events happened that led to  _ it. _

 

The first event was one night when Cam and Jay had decided to hang out, just the two of them. They were at a movie theater, seeing one of the new marvel movies (since Cam was secretly a big fan, and Jay was just curious). The movie was great to say the least, and Cam couldn’t stop talking about it afterwards while they were leaving the theater. Cam excused himself to the bathroom and Jay decided to wait for his crush oh a wall nearby.

 

The brunette pulled out his phone, checking the missed messages he had from the group chat with his friends. They were freaking out about some girl who Christopher had hooked up with once, now trying to contact him again. As Jay was responding, laughing (to himself) at his friend’s pain while still sending him love, he barely registered the familiar figure that was coming towards him. 

 

“Jay, is that you?” A too familiar voice asked and when he looked up, it was someone from high school he wished he could forget.

 

“H-Hey Daniel!” Jay cursed himself for stuttering.

 

“How have you been?” Daniel asked excitedly and as Jay looked him over, it felt like high school all over again, though they were missing a sneaky member of the group who Ja-

 

“Jay?” The sweet voice asked from out of his eyesight and he turned to see Anna standing there.

 

Anna, Daniel, and him were a trio in their high school days, and at some point, Jay had found himself crushing on the only girl of their group. She was funny, gorgeous, dependent, and more. She was perfect in his high school eyes, and hell she still was. She somehow had gotten even more pretty, and her smile was welcoming and he felt like he hadn’t left them years ago now.

 

“H-Hey Anna!” Jay knew he sounded too excited or nervous, maybe mixture of both, but he couldn’t help it.

 

“Jay it is you oh my gosh,” she began as she walked up, taking his hands in her own as she smiled up at him. “It’s been years, how the fuck have you been?” She asked excitedly and he felt the heat rise in his cheeks at how nervous he was.

 

“G-Great, I’ve missed you guys. How about you two?” Jay asked and as he spoke, he felt himself start to cool down.

 

“We’ve been good,” Daniel said as he snaked an arm around Anna’s shoulders, and Jay was able to tell that they were just friends, though to others they probably looked like a couple. “We have some friends who live nearby so we came out and decided to meet for a movie. How come you’re here?” Daniel continued as he looked at his friend with pure curiosity and Jay couldn’t help his shrug.

 

“Just seeing a movie with my fr-” Jay stopped as he felt a weight drop onto his head.

 

“I’m his boyfriend.” The familiar voice of Cameron was welcoming as the warmth spread throughout his body once again, and Jay couldn’t help but avoid eye contact from his past friends as the smile on his face grew.

 

“Boyfriend? Didn’t know you ever had it in ya to actually get a lover.” Daniel teased and Jay was thankful that he was already blushing since embarrassment flooded his entire body and he felt the anxiety build up in him.

 

This was fake, he reminded himself.

 

“What do you mean?” Cameron asked as he moved himself next to Jay, with a little space in between them so Cam was just an inch or two in front of him. 

 

He couldn’t even find an actual relationship-

 

“Well, Jay’s liked different people throughout high school, but he never had luck with them liking him back. Hell, he might’ve told you this but he didn’t even have a first kiss throughout those years, but I’m assuming you took that away.” Daniel teased as he moved forward to lightly pat Jay’s shoulder, who felt frozen with fear.

 

He was outed for the most embarrassing thing ever in front of someone he liked of course.

 

“Well he’s wonderful, so I’m surprised people skipped on him throughout the years. It’s truly their loss.” Cam said as he took Jay’s hand in his own, and the brunette’s heart skipped a beat and he actually moved to look up at the blonde, who was giving him a warm smile.

 

“Anyways, we should be heading out. Have fun you guys and it was a pleasure to meet you. I hope Jay’ll introduce me better next time.” Cam said as he began to head out, and Jay automatically followed since their hands were connected.

 

The brunette didn’t even register his friends goodbyes as they left the building, and all the embarrassment and stress from that situation finally let itself show as they stood outside of the quiet theater. Jay and Cam got around the corner, where it was more secluded, and the brunette let himself lean against the wall and slowly slid down it. He covered his face with his hands as he breathed heavily, not daring to look up at the blonde who probably thought of him as a joke now. Who probably wished that he wasn’t fake dating such a fucking loser. Who probably wished they had never me-

 

“Friends can be jerks, eh?” Cam asked, his voice suddenly closer, and that’s when Jay looked up a little to notice that the blonde wasn’t standing anymore, but was instead sitting next to him.

 

“It was rude of them to say that, and even if you were comfortable with it, I wouldn’t have wanted to stay.” Cam muttered as he wrapped an arm around Jay’s shoulder and pulled him closer to the taller male’s chest.

 

“You can let it all out if you want by the way. I’ll be here for you,” Cam muttered the last part, and that’s when Jay felt himself let go. 

 

Even though Jay refused to let himself cry in front of his friends, even his family, he wasn’t sure why he trusted the blonde so much. They only knew each other for a short time now, and even though Jay knew he liked the blonde in a romantic way, it almost felt like they had known each other for much longer. As Cam mumbled calming words, which Jay was barely paying attention to, the two soon found a calmness and even though they could’ve gotten up, leave, and go their separate ways, something was keeping them both there. Something that kept them huddled right into each other, with a calming silence surrounding them.

 

///

 

The second incident was one where Cam needed Jay.

 

Deadlines were approaching quick and the two hadn’t found much time to see one another (which Jay’s friends were quick to make comments about how alone he must feel, how he can’t become a cheating mistress, etc). Jay was of course missing the blonde, but he couldn’t help but think about the fun they’d have after the deadlines were done and how they could spend time with each other once again without stressing about their classes.

 

Jay was working on a paper that was due by that Friday for his statistics class, which he despised with a passion, when he received a text.He ignored it, passing it off as the group chat making death jokes as they all suffered at a McDonalds. The group had decided to have a “group date” to the McDonald's nearby, which Jay was invited, but he declined, knowing he’d be too distracted by them to get anything done. While he loved his friends, they all sucked at studying together (besides Matt, somehow he always got things done even when surrounded by their friends who were children in young adult bodies).

 

His phone beeped again, and he ignored it once more. He was almost done his final paragraph, so he knew he could wait to respond to his friends. He had music playing quietly, some rap that he was actually into, so upon hearing his phone beep again, he turned up the music a little higher, thankful that his roommate wasn’t home. 

 

Then his phone rang.

 

“Fucking Chr-” Jay started as he picked up his phone and was surprised to see Cam’s contact name and picture (which was a silly, somewhat shaky one he took while they got ice cream one time. Cam had accidentally gotten some on his shirt, which was white that day, and it was a picture of him trying to clean it out while Jay was laughing. That memory stuck out clear to him as he remembered how they hung out for almost that entire day, doing different activities that felt like a  _ date _ ).

 

“Hey, what’s up?” Jay asked as he answered the call, bringing the phone up to his ear.

 

“Can y-you come here?” Cam’s voice was almost silent and the brunette felt chills throughout his body at how weak the blonde sounded.

 

“Where are you?” Jay asked as he got up, not bothering to turn off his computer or music as he rushed to put on a sweatshirt and jacket, not caring how he presented himself at that moment.

 

“Room.” Cam said as Jay left his room, accidentally slamming the door, as he ran out of the building and across the lawn, going to another one of the dorms on the campus.

 

Cam’s voice sounded like a whimper as he asked Jay to get there in a breathless voice, and Jay said he’d be there soon. The brunette held the phone close to his ear as he ran into the building, knowing exactly where to go as he ran up some flights of stairs up to the 4th floor. 

 

“Cam, is the door open?” Jay asked while panting, noticing he was almost to the fourth floor.

 

He didn’t hear what the blonde said as the footsteps echoed loudly in the stairwell, and Jay hoped that what was said was a yes. As he reached the floor, he started to jog towards the room that the blonde resided in and reached for the door handle, letting out a heavy breath of relief as the door started to open.

 

The room was almost dark, besides the window which had barely any light shining through it. Jay’s eyes found Cam who sat against the wall next to his bed, frozen as his phone laid next to him, the call still going. Jay placed his phone in his pocket as he closed the door behind him, heading to the blonde.

 

“Cam, bud,” Jay started and the brunette noticed how little the other was breathing.

 

“Cam, look at me.” Jay said as he moved to in front of Cam who looked up at him, his eyes glossy as he was shaking.

 

“This is temporary, alright? I need you to focus on me, and try to remember that this is temporary.” Jay kept telling the blonde those words as he looked around, trying to find water for Cam which was nowhere in sight. 

 

“H-Hey, hold onto me, okay? Breathe with me, please.” Jay said as he took the blonde’s hands into his own and Cam finally looked a little calmer but his breathing was still hitched.

 

After some more moments of Jay talking to Cam, trying to get him to breathe and focus on the world, the blonde slowly came out of his attack and looked exhausted. The brunette kept a hold onto the blonde, moving next to him so he could place his free hand on Cam’s back. As he started to rub circles, whispering mantra’s that he’d be okay and that he just  _ needed to focus on grounding and breathing  _ Cam had slowly started to calm down.

 

At one point Cam had grabbed onto Jay’s hands and the brunette let the blonde lead, not wanting to push any points, and at some point in the middle of the night, Jay had woken up to Cam’s head on his shoulder while one of their hands were intertwined. It was dark with barely any moonlight shining into the room, since the curtains were closed, but Jay could make out Cam’s face still.

 

Cam was beautiful, and Jay felt his heart wrench at the idea that he was flying too close to a sun that would ultimately burn him until he couldn’t breath.

 

///

 

The third incident involved Mason and a heartbreaking secret.

 

It started out as a game night with Jay’s friends and Cam, along with an unsettling amount of alcohol that was consumed between the five (since Jay had decided to stay sober). The games had soon went from staying along the basics of the games to making up their own rules (which Jay got away with a lot due to everyone being drunk).

 

At one point Cam’s head was leaning on Jay’s shoulder, their hands intertwined, and jay was far from about to complain about the position. At one point they did start to play Mario Kart, aka they had to move to the couch for that, and Cam was more than quick at that point to pull Jay onto his lap.

 

Jay was more than aware, during all of the races, of Cam’s arms around his waist and the breathing on the back of his neck (causing him to shift his legs around every few minutes and silent praying of not getting a boner. He really, really didn’t want to have to deal with that). Of course, since he was only focusing on how fucking close Cam was, he didn’t notice how the youngest of everyone was sending him looks and even slight glares from the other side of the couch.

 

Cam had gotten more than comfortable with Jay’s friends, usually joining the shorter male on hang outs when the taller male was available. The group loved Cam, since he seemed to just be able to match any one of the member’s energy and humor level at any point. Cam had also introduced his own friend group one day, which consisted of Brooke’s new best friend, Toby, a short male who defied all social and gender norms and was amazing at impersonations. He also was Cam’s best friend since grade school, so when Jay was introduced as a boyfriend (not a fake one!!) Toby had been a little hesitant to accepting him. Soon he came around, realizing Jay wasn’t fake and actually they had their own friendship going, which consisted of jokes at Cam’s expense and old stories of the blonde. 

 

There was also Jaren, another one of Cam’s good friends, and was actually a sophomore, but he connected with Jay and his friends immediately. Though, along with Jaren came John, Jaren’s best friend  _ and  _ boyfriend. Upon meeting them, Jay could tell that they were perfect for each other (since they didn’t let their relationship define their interactions which was refreshing in Jay’s opinion). Cam’s group of friends were small and close, but once they met Jay’s, it was almost as if the group of college students had known each other way longer than it had truly been.

 

Of course, Jay didn’t expect that anyone would fall for anyone. Jay especially didn’t expect one of his good friends to fall for the same man he had. 

 

When Jay excused himself to the bathroom, saying he needed to wash his hands (when in reality he just needed a breather from how fucking hot it was in there being so close to the hottest fucking guy alive at that moment), he didn’t notice that someone was trailing behind him. He also didn’t hear someone calling his name, but upon entering the bathroom and going to close the door, that’s when he noticed Mason.

 

Mason who was looking at him with the guiltiest expression.

 

“What’s up?” Jay asked as Mason came into the bathroom fully, shutting the door behind him.

 

“I,” Mason hiccuped as he came forward to Jay, placing his hands on the male’s shoulders, and that’s when the two made eye contact and Jay realized that Mason actually had  _ tears _ in his eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

 

“For what?” Jay asked worriedly, seeing that tears actually were falling down Mason’s cheeks.

 

“I-I like, Cam, and I don’t want to. He’s yours and I g-get jealous and angry when you two even touch and I shouldn’t, since you had him first and he’ll never be mine. I don’t want to like him, you two are perfect for each other, but he’s-” Mason continued on but at some point he had leaned into Jay’s chest and his words were now muffled by Jay’s clothing.

 

Jay’s heart was broken though at the sight in front of him. One of his closest, best fucking friends, was crying over a guy he was fake dating. If he could just tell Mason that this was all fake then maybe him and Cam could live forever happily after and they wouldn’t have to think about Jay and just fucking horrible he was for causing someone he cares so much so much pain. 

 

He hated lying. He hated lying to his friends. He hated all of this and as he was about to tell his drunken friend everything, how everything he knew was fake and that he could gladly have Cam for himself and that he should stop talking to Jay, Mason had pulled his head up and stared straight into his eyes, making Jay swallow his words.

 

“I know he likes you lots though,” Mason started and god, Jay’s heart was fucking  _ hurting  _ at all of this. “The way he smiles at you, and how he’s talked about you, it’s annoyin’. But he loves you s-so much Jay, it’s unfair, I want ‘im to look at me that way.” Mason started bumbling under his breath as more tears started streaming down his face and Jay held his friend close as he seated them both, the truth getting caught in his throat.

 

“I’m sorry.” Mason kept repeating it in Jay’s chest and he was sure that they were in there for a good half hour before Mason calmed down.

 

Once the younger male wasn’t crying anymore and could breathe normally, he stood up on his own, leaning heavily on the counter. Jay joined him slowly, standing in front of him and shooting him a worried look.

 

“Sorry about that Jay, I just, needed that off my chest. If you don’t want me near Cam ever again, I’ll understand.” Mason turned towards the door and Jay stepped forward and grabbed his friend’s upper arm.

 

“No, you can stay around. I.. I-It’s not your fault that you like him. I’m just happy you told me, even if you are drunk.” Jay wrapped his arms around his friend once again and Mason let out a hefty sigh.

 

“I wish things were different.” Mason whispered and Jay knew he could change things with the truth.

 

He could alleviate pain from his friend and help him date the guy he actually really likes, and even if it hurt Jay, it would be okay. 

 

“Mason-”

 

“So this is where you guys have been.” An all too familiar voice said and both males turned to see Cam standing there, worry on his expression as he looked between the both of them.

 

“Cam, it’s not what you think.” Mason said as he stepped forward and Jay felt frozen in fear.

 

What if he had heard everything? What if he absolutely despised Jay for being such a terrible friend? What if everything Cam and Jay had fell apart? What if…. What if Cam and Mason and everyone in the friend group started ignoring him?

 

“Can I ask what it was then?” The blonde seemed genuinely curious and Jay looked at Mason and noticed how nervous he looked and Jay knew he had to say something.

 

“He told me about something personal that’s been going on. I’m the only one who didn’t know and he wanted advice.” Jay hated lying through his teeth, especially to someone he loved, but for Mason he’d do it any day.

 

“Sorry for barging in then. Everyone’s been wondering so I volunteered to look for you two. I’ll leave you two alone then.” Cam said as he turned around and Jay was unsure of what to do or say, but Mason seemed to be the opposite.

 

“Actually Cam, can I talk to you about it?” Mason asked as he stepped forward, inches away from Cam’s back.

 

“Sure,” Cam started and Mason walked up to his side, which the two started walking away and probably to another secluded area in the apartment, leaving Jay all alone.

 

Almost two hours later, Cam and Jay were leaving and walking back to their dorms, it was awkwardly silent. Jay wasn’t sure what he could even say to try and ease the tension, and his mind was too filled up with worries and different hypothetical situations to even notice that Cam was feeling the same way. 

 

“I had no idea he felt that way.” Cam said as the two were almost at the dorms and Jay almost didn’t hear the other male but in return he only shrugged.

 

“Do you want me to stay away from the group for a while?” The blonde asked and Jay wished he could pretend that that question wasn’t so important to him.

 

“No! I mean, I want you to stay around. It sucks that it all ended up like this, but, I don’t think you should have to stay away. And it goes the same for him, like he shouldn't have to stay away. I-I th-” 

 

“Did you tell him the truth?” Cam had stopped at one point and Jay clenched his fist by his side, knowing that Cam was going to hate him since he was such a terrible friend.

 

But he needed to tell the truth at least once tonight.

 

“No.” The brunette’s voice was close to a whisper and he wondered how angry Cameron probably was at him.

 

“How come?” The blonde’s voice sounded soft and careful, as if Jay was about to break down at any second.

 

But Jay knew. He knew exactly why he didn’t say the truth to Mason, and he wondered, as he finally looked at Cam, if he knew too. The blonde was close, closer than he’d ever been to Jay, and he was looking right at him. His hands, one was in his pocket but the other had somehow found its way onto Jay’s upper arm and within a few seconds, they were kissing,

 

They were kissing and Jay knew that this relationship was fake, but for once, something felt real. It was a surprise, and something Jay never had thought would happen, but honestly, even if they stopped talking after this or had a fall out somehow, the brunette wanted to appreciate this for now. He wanted to pretend, even if it only lasted for that moment, that what they had was a real relationship.

 

///

 

_ It  _ finally happened.

 

_ It _ was Jay breaking it off the next morning, saying that he thinks that they shouldn’t fake date anymore. Cam was in mutual agreement, and he said that he was busy that day so he wouldn’t be able to talk. Jay wondered if he was faking it, but at the same time, he wasn’t sure of what to say after last night.

 

They had walked home, hand in hand, and something around them had changed. Also, when Cam had walked Jay to his dorm, the brunette leaned against the door and the two males shared a long kiss, and Jay was sure that he wasn’t the only one who didn’t want to ever pull away. He was close to inviting the blonde in, but knowing that his roommate was probably there, he didn’t want to cause any trouble.

 

The only text Jay had sent was,

 

**Me:** hope you got home safe

 

And 20 minutes after, that’s when his phone buzzed.

 

**Cam:** I did

 

And nothing else was said the rest of the night.

 

The same went with the morning, and the afternoon, and the evening.

 

And it repeated. Nothing was said between the two for days, and both friend groups had noticed how tense it was between the two. They also had noticed how affected they both were (which was Jay, locking himself up in his room more and focusing way too much on anything but schoolwork while Cam just looked lost a lot and the bags under his eyes were visible since he had become too focused on schoolwork). The two males, even though no one had known that the relationship was fake, were affected as if this were real.

 

Their friends still met up sometimes, but there was definitely something missing from the group hang outs. The leadership of Cameron was missed and Jay’s perfect jokes and impersonations for everything was missed too. It was brought up where they were sometimes, and after that the group would fall silent.

 

“This has gone on long enough, we need them to talk.” Christopher said one day as they all were sitting together in the library, the only ones not being present were Mason and Matt.

 

“But how? They’re both too absorbed in their sadness to realize the other is the same way.” John pointed out as he leaned his head on Jaren’s shoulder and the group fell silent.

 

“What if I talked to Jay, and one of you guys talked to Cam?” Toby suggested and everyone gave him a similar, confused expression, leading him to continue on.

 

“I think it would help them more if a friend, especially a close one, of the other friend group, talked to them. While you guys are great helps, you aren’t close friends of Cam, and the same of us for Jay. It would mean more if someone who knew the other better told them how things really were.” Toby explained and everyone started to slowly agree with the idea.

 

“But who would be sent for Jay to Cam?” Jaren asked as Brooke and Christopher shared a look, both thinking it over.

 

“What about Mason?” Brooke suggested and Chris slowly nodded, knowing that he was probably the closest with Jay out of all of them. 

 

“I can talk to him about it tonight.” Chris responded and the group continued to talk about the plans for the rest of the hangout.

 

///

 

Jay heard a knock on his door a couple days later in the morning and when he opened it, expecting to see one of his friends, he saw Toby. 

 

Well, Toby was a friend, but after the breakup, he was sure that the male would’ve probably hated him, especially since Cam probably hated him too.

 

“Hey, can I come in?” Toby’s voice was filled with concern and Jay was hesitant but nodded, moving out of the way so Toby could come in.

 

“How’ve you been?” Toby asked as he stepped in, standing close to Jay as the latter shut the door, a feeling of uneasiness in his stomach starting to form itself.

 

“G-Good, you?” He asked with hesitation as he stood awkwardly near the door, thankful that his roommate had a class for the next hour.

 

“Good, and you don’t have to lie Jay.” Toby said with a small smile and Jay could tell he was offering a person to talk to.

 

And he hadn’t talked to anyone. He had avoided every one of his friends, always coming up with excuses or straight out ignoring them;. He hadn’t meant to take it out on them, and he had fully regretted it, and wondered if his friends had started to hate him or not for what he was doing.

 

He was fucked up and lonely. He missed the blonde’s presence in his life. He hated that he had fucked everything up between them. If he never caught feelings, if he never wanted to make his friends stop pitying him, he never would’ve been in this situation.

 

But at the same time, if he hadn’t met Cam, he never would’ve been so happy. Cam had a certain aura that made you want to stay and Jay missed being able to admire how  _ amazing _ Cam was. How sweet he could be or his understanding of somehow every situation. He brought a sunshine to Jay’s life and he wanted it back.

 

“I miss him.” Jay whispered as he started to feel himself tear up, missing everything about Cam.

 

He had already spent days crying to himself about how much he missed Cam, about all of that, but he didn’t realize how much he needed to talk about it to someone, even if it wasn’t talking _ about  _ it _. _

 

“It wasn’t even real but I miss all of it. I was a fucking idiot who fell in love with him.” Jay started to cry and Toby came close to the brunette, offering his arms, which the crying male gladly accepted.

 

“He’s so bright Toby. He’s s-so… wonderful. He’s-” Jay’s words turned into a jumbled mess and Toby could only rub his back and whisper soothing words, not wanting to in any way over stimulate the male.

 

He wondered though, when Jay said that it wasn’t real, what he had meant. He let that thought be pushed back, far down on the list of his worries, as he held his best friend’s ex, hoping that it’d work out.

 

Jay and Cam were both suffering in their own ways Toby realized, and he was confused as to  _ why _ they had broken up. The two had seemed blissfully infatuated with one another, at least to the group they seemed that way. The two were contrasts physically yet their personalities just worked with one another.

 

“You know, he misses you too.” Toby whispered and he felt Jay stiffen in his arms.

 

“H-He.. What?” Jay was quiet but from how he was standing, Toby could tell how shocked the other male was at the statement.

 

“He’s been throwing himself into his work and not treating himself well. I- I don’t know why you two broke up but I don’t think its been beneficial to either of you-” Toby started to ramble but Jay was quick to cut him off as he pushed himself away.

 

“I appreciate that you c-came here today but I think I should tell you the truth.” Jay’s words were messy as he thought about the entire situation again, but he knew he had to continue or else-

 

“Cam and I were never in a real relationship. It was fake, I- I just wanted to make my friends shut up.” Jay stated, turning his back to Toby.

 

Jay hated that he said that but he couldn’t let Toby waste his time on something fake. He couldn’t let Toby worry about him for no real reason besides a fake relationship which  _ he _ ended since he was scared. Since he was scared of how real it all felt that night.

 

“Did you ever truly love him?” Toby asked as he took a step forward and Jay hesitated before nodding.

 

The truth was so nice to finally admit to someone.

 

The truth, that had been causing so much stress and pain was out there, and finally all of his friends would leave him for being so fucking pathetic that he had to fake date someone. 

 

“Tell him Jay.” Toby made the brave move to place his hand on the shorter male’s shoulder who flinched at the touch.

 

“Toby, he doesn’t want someone like me, okay?” Jay’s voice cracked halfway through the question.

 

“Jay-”

 

“And I’m alright, okay? I’ve been heartbroken about it but I know he deserves better.” Jay thought of Mason as he finished his statement and the idea of Mason and Cam made his stomach turn but it was right.

 

Mason genuinely liked Cam, and even though he did too, Mason wouldn’t lie to him. Mason wouldn’t hide the truth if Jay had been in his situation. 

 

“You realize he’s been in the same state as you, right? He’s been focusing too much on work and not taking care of himself at all.” Toby knew that he had to tell Jay how Cam was doing or else he never would’ve listened.

 

“I see him always in the library from morning to night, barely eating, and he just seems… distant.“

 

“Toby, please.” Jay’s voice was quiet but the pleading was prominent.

 

“You love him, so help him again. With you, he was bright and Jay, I don’t know what happened that caused you guys to breakup but after breakups and even friends leaving him, he's never been this broken up over it. You’re different to him, please-”

 

“Are you sure he wants to see me though?” The brunette asked as he turned around and Toby made sure that Jay was looking right into his eyes before nodding.

 

“I love Cam as a brother and I think you were something great for him. Please, find a time to see him. His schedule really hasn’t changed besides spending most of his time in the library.” Toby watched as Jay crossed his arms over his chest and slowly leaned over, staring at his socks.

 

“I’m sorry for intruding but Jay, please take my words as serious. I only want the best for Cam, and you were that.” Toby’s voice was hushed as he started to walk near the door, but before leaving he made sure to place a hand gently on Jay’s arm and gave him a small squeeze, before saying goodbye and leaving.

 

Jay waited until the door was closed before moving over to his bed and sat down. He wanted to talk to Cam, he did, and he knew Toby wouldn’t lie to him, but at the same time, what if Cam hated him now? What if Cam ran away at the sight of Jay? He let out a sigh and laid down, the feeling of his pillow underneath feeling like heaven at that moment. His focus moved to his alarm, noticing that it said 9:34. 

 

He felt a rush of deja vu as he remembered that this was time when he originally realized that he had fallen for Cam. Cam who could get along with anyone. Cam who made him endlessly happy with every single thing he said. 

 

Cam who comforted him after his friends embarrassed him.

 

Cam who was endlessly impressive.

 

Cam who Jay had ended any chance with over his fear.

 

///

 

Jay couldn’t believe he was here, at the school’s library, watching his fake ex do some homework a while peeking at him through a bookshelf. He couldn’t believe that he was about to try and talk to Cam. Cam who looked like a mess, with bags under his eyes and a gaze that didn’t seem to truly be focusing on the book in front of him. 

 

As Jay began to regret coming out here, his anxiety yelling at him to just leave while he can and give up on Cam, he reminded himself of why he was here. He took a deep breath and internally yelled at himself to man the hell up before walking over, making sure his hands were in his sweatshirt pocket so Cam wouldn’t see how truly fucking scared he was. 

 

He was feet away at this point when Cam looked up and the expression the blonde had when he registered that Jay was there sent chills down Jay’s spine, causing the brunette to immediately turn around and every ounce of hope he had was gone. He wasn’t scared because Cam looked unhappy, in fact, it was the opposite.

 

Cam had smiled.

 

Cam was smiling at him and Toby was right and Jay wished that it was opposite so he’d have some form of clo-

 

“Jay,” a breathless voice said as the brunette felt a hand on his shoulder. “W-Why are you here?” 

 

Jay shook off the hand on his shoulder and turned around, now looking right into Cam’s eyes.

 

“I.. I wanted to see you.” Jay felt like curling up into a ball and disappearing at how bored he sounded.

 

He missed Cam, he did, but Cam shouldn’t miss him. Cam should hate him, should want him to never even be within 5 miles of his presence but here he was, a hopeful look in his eyes and god, Jay wanted to melt under the gaze of such a perfect and wonderful person.

 

He didn’t deserve Cam’s attention yet he didn’t want Cam to look at anyone else right now.

 

“I thi- no, I need to talk to you. Can you wait outside for 5 minutes? I just need to get my stuff ready.” Cam asked  and Jay found himself saying yes before his mind even processed it.

 

Jay walked outside the doors and as he stood there, leaning against the brick wall, he realized how easy it would be to just run away, to leave Cam alone and then the blonde could move on from someone like him.

 

But the look on Cam’s face when he saw Jay? That held him there.

 

Not even a few minutes later did Cam walk out, disrupting Jay from his thoughts, and the two seeked out a bench or somewhere for them to talk. Luckily for them, there was a park right near their campus and since it was a windy day, not many people were out.

 

Upon arriving at the bench, the two sat with an awkward space between them and silence clouding around them.

 

“I miss you.” Cam had said so quietly that Jay almost didn’t hear it but when those words did meet his ear, he turned to look at the blonde so quick, and the man in question was already looking at him.

 

“I.. I’ve fake dated people before, even longer than you, but none of them have ever connected so well with me. None of them ever had me wanting to have more than just a fake relationship or a semi understanding of one another. You’re so different to everyone in such a dumb way and I, uh, when we “ended” it, I felt lost. Jay- I know you’ve probably gotten over me bu-”

 

“Cameron,” Jay said, his voice choked, causing the blonde to look at him. “I-I feel the same way but you shouldn’t like me. I lied to my friends, I lied to you, I lied to so many people. The first person I told the truth to was Toby and even then he was so und-”

 

“Wait, Toby visited you?” Cam didn’t mean to stop him but something in his mind popped up and he needed to see if there was a connection.

 

“Y-Yeah, why?”

 

“Mason visited me.” For some reason, those words to Jay ears hurt more than they should have.

 

“Wh-What did he say?” Jay was nervous for what was going to come next but he needed to know.

 

“He talked all about you and how I shouldn’t give up on you, how jealous he was of us but he wanted happiness for you nonetheless. He said he loved me and didn’t want to give up but seeing how happy the both of us were, he understood he couldn’t get in the way. I asked why he came and he said he wanted the both of us happy.” Cam admitted as he looked away, tears in his eyes as his fingers fumbled with one another in his lap.

 

“Jay, I don’t know what I did to make you break up with me but please, please I miss you so fucking much,” Cam leaned forward, face in his hands as he let out a heavy sigh. “Please can we try again, and for real this time?” Cam’s question was followed by the blonde looking right into the brunette’s eyes who fell frozen under the gaze.

 

“Are you sure?” Jay asked, and though he knew that all of this was real, he felt like it was all a joke because there was no way Cam wanted to get back together with him.

 

“More than sure. Yo- If you don’t want to then-”

 

“I want to try again. Real this time.” Jay said as he leaned forward and placed his hand on Cam’s knee.

 

Cam responded by leaning forward and catching Jay in his arms, the latter in shock at the action. The brunette felt how the taller male was shaking, and Jay was hugging the male back before he even realized.

 

“I’ve missed you so much.” Jay muttered into Cam’s shoulder, causing the blonde male to squeeze him even tighter.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this even though it highkey sucked lol! anyways i just committed to a college so :))) life is gonna continue babey! but that was a main stress since i was rejected from my top college but it all worked out babeys!! anyways, again, thank you for reading this even though it sucked and was highly over dramatic but i was a mess when writing this shit but now its all worked out :) so !!


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